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Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 4:11 AM

Hello my dearest, dearest, dearest Central Two (:

Okay... Joanc here again. It's getting boring seeing my name ah. And sorry for all my long posts, I feel very naggy. But there's just stuff I want to share. (:

I can't stop re-reading all your posts. After re-reading Renia's one for the 3rd or 4th time, I decided to share about my journey for the past half year, because I feel....I can relate to what you're talking about. So I hope this encourages you.

Hmm. Okay. I can't remember what happened at the end of last year, but I remember very clearly the last night of You camp. It was the first time I really surrendered myself to God, and the first time, I told God: Teach me to die to self.
I wanted to come to that place where I can throw aside my desires without hesitation, and all I want would be for God's will to be done in me. I was totally in for God's plan, I wanted to be a part of it. So I prayed for many nights, for God to bring me through circumstances to teach me to obey Him, to teach me to die to self. To bring me to places where I am so unfamiliar with, so much so that I have no choice but to rely on God, because without Him I really cannot do anything.

And ever since, God has really taken me through a.... quite tough journey.
It's painful in its own way, but I'm actually grateful to God because I know it could actually be more painful than this.

There were times I questioned God, I got angry with Him, I ignored Him, etc etc.
And for months, I couldn't feel God, at all.
Every time I tried to press in, I tried not to listen to what my mind was saying, I just kept pressing in for God, kept trying. But time and again nothing happened. I was really getting discouraged, I wanted to stop trying, but I learnt from my O level period that without God, my life is meaningless, aimless. I knew I needed God, but I didn't feel that I needed Him.
Because my emotions were telling me to stop pursuing God, I had to rely on my head knowledge like, God is faithful and all, to keep me at trying to get back, get right with God.
I don't know what God's trying to do, like how I can't feel Him and all. But I believe that when the time is right, He will grant me the breakthrough I've been praying for.
God's timing is never too early, never too late, always just right.
Actually even now, I can't really feel God. But I often feel empowered.
So... this is just to encourage those of you who can't feel God, to press in. (:
Press in, no matter how you feel, no matter how long it takes.

Have faith in God.

It takes the deepest valleys to bring you to the highest mountain.
Don't give up. :D

Okay. I'm missing all of you and I have no mood to study.
: o