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Monday, October 5, 2009 @ 12:38 AM
Hi C2! :)
Joan Ng here, I come to realised it's been quite a while since I posted here.

So yeah, today was the start of my N levels. I did 3 during Sept holidays already though. Thanks for those who kept me in your prayers :)

Anyway, I came to tell you guys again, never doubt God's plan for you.
Some time back I had some personal problems which made me really really upset. Like, seriously affecting me A LOT. I was really scared that it will affect my N levels.

The problem came before my first 3 papers (SS, CL and EL) during sept holidays. I was already struggling through, trying to focus on exams. I thought I can deal with it after those 3 papers. I thought those problems will slowly go away and things will go back to per normal. Happy and good. I thought so.

But right after my 3 papers, like finally. I thought I can have a break. I was already really very tired, mentally, physically. But no, God surprised me with a really big and sad issue. I was literally... broken.

I was asking God, why. Why can't you just give me a break? Why can't you just let things go normally and give me a break. It was then just 3 weeks before my rest of exams. Why can't God let me focus? I was really 'angry' with God. I didn't want to obey Him. I knew what God wanted, He wants me to move on & surrender all my problems to Him. But instead of praying for me to accept it, I prayed that God will make things go back to the same. I was really stubborn. Then, of course things didn't go back to how I want it to be. I was still really angry with God. I continued to pray for my way for the next few days.. It was terrible, I was distracted, I can't focus in school and all, I cried like hundred times in school. Until when I realised it won't be any better if I continue to go against God.

So yeah, I moved on. I held on to God's promise, I wrote bible verses on post-it and pasted all over my books like:


"But this happened so that the work of God might be displayed." - John 9:3

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast"

"Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy" - John 16:22


Yeah, it did helped me to move on. It was not easy but God really did helped me through. & now when I think back, if things went my way, maybe now, I won't even work half as hard as I am right now for exams. I wouldn't have grown so much spiritually and in myself. I learnt a lot of things through this. Even though it hurts, even though I wasted 1 week in my 3 weeks of study time for N's, I still managed to get back on my feet.

Also, I truly believe that through this I'd really displayed God's work in my life to my friends. On how I relied on God's strength through this painful moulding process.

We may find it stupid, hard and painful when we're in the 'not that easy' part of our lives, but you know, God really taught me that He really got great and awesome plans for us. He let us go through all the pains so that we can really experience Him once again. All He want is for us to rely on Him and walk through with Him.

As I was doing my N levels, if you know during National Exams, our OTAS sheet or you guys call it OAS will have your name and school printed on it. It's like specially made for you. Everytime when I get my OTAS sheet, first thing that came to my mind is that, it's specially made for me, just like how God know us by name. Each and everyone of us. Also, he got a plan specially planned for us. Don't ever doubt Him.

Oh yeah, wanna thanks Joanne, Jayna, Joan chew and Ernest for all the support you guys gave during that period of time. Really appreciate it :)

Thanks for reading :)
Have an awesome week, see you!